Jokes about Families - Mother Jokes

Peter: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

John: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."

Peter: "No way, you had sex last night?"

John: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Peter: "I don't have a sister."

John: "You will in about nine months."

Mom, how did I come to this world? "Well, your father and I planted a seed together," the mother said.

"From that seed, we grew a marijuana plant, then smoked some weed and had sex on the washing machine."

A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak." The son says, "Why are you so weak?" She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

A woman and her twelve year old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "What are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She replies, "Well, most of them become taxi drivers."

Your momma is so fat, she was swimming in the ocean and all the whales started singing, "we are family".