The Insane Conductor

A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down."
The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"

Bagpiper vs. Country Singer

Q: What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A: The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.

The Right Rhythm

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"