Your Mom is the Best in Town

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town." Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..." Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunk!"

Foot Doctor

An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles into a Podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to the receptionist. With out looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, "Stick it through that curtain." Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains. "That's not a foot!" screams the nurse on duty. "Holy shit, lady!" the drunk exclaims, "I never knew you had a minimum!"

Feels Like

A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man's head and says, "Say, your head feels just like my wife's ass." The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin, "You know, you're right!"