One Last Night

One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another.  After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.  "What's the matter?", the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy, "and now she is refusing to talk to me for a whole 31 days." The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?", asked the bartender. " Yeah, except tonight is the last night."

Dingle House

A guy goes to a pet store to buy an unusual pet and walks out with a centipede in a white box. Once he gets it home, the guy decides to take the centipede to his local bar and show it to his drinking buddies. He taps on the box and says, “Would you like to go to the Dingle House with me and have a beer?” There’s no answer from the centipede. He waits a few moments then says, “How about you and me going to a bar?” Again, there’s no answer. Thinking the centipede can’t hear him, the man goes right up to the box and yells, “Hey! Would you like to go to the Dingle House bar and have a drink?!” A little voice comes out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m putting on my shoes.”

Taking the Ferry Home

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found that there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.  When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.  "How did you like that jump, Buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand.  "It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"