Dealing with trouble
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a bar room disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist, probably better than Houdini. "The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
Polack Drinking Buddies
Chanowski and his other Polack drinking buddy are sitting at a bar.
" See those guys over there?" Chanowski says." I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polacks."
Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polacks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy.
"Well, what do they think of Polacks?" his buddy asks.
"We're still number one."
A guy walked into a bar and said "Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender." But when it was time to pay, the guy didn't have the money, so the bartender beat him up. The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldn't pay. Then the next day, the guy said "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!" The bartender said "Why?" The guy replied "You're violent when you're drunk!"
“If the bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out?”
Kelly limps into his favorite pub, "My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. "I got in a tiff with Riley", whispered Kelly to the bartender.
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's right tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"