Bar Jokes

One Question too Many

A man goes into a bar and admires the stuffed lion’s head mounted on the wall. “What a great trophy,” says the man to the bartender. “I wouldn’t call it great,” replies the bartender. “That damn lion killed my wife.” “Good heavens,” says the man, “were you on safari?” “No,” replies the bartender. “The screws came loose and it fell on her head.”

Categories: Bar Jokes (Animal in Bar Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes)
Anonymous

Murphy's Bar

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar.  They're having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy two drinks and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The others agree that sounds like a good place.
Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."
Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.
Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"
"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister!"

Categories: Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes) , Sexist Jokes (About Women) , Sex Jokes
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Anonymous

Charged by the Police

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident. 

Categories: Profession Jokes (Police Jokes) , Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (Georgia Jokes) , Travel Jokes (Car Trip Jokes)
Anonymous