Penguin In A Bar

A penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?"... and the barman says "I don't know, what does he look like?"

Infinite Mathematicians in a Bar

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "Ok, I get it!" and pours two pints.

Date Getting Hit On

A man and his girlfriend go out to a bar for the evening. When they arrive, the man realizes he has to pee, so he goes into the bathroom and does his business. When he comes back, he sees a man conversing with his date. His date looks intimidated, so he weaves his way through the tables to her, but by the time he gets there, the man is walking away. He looks at his girlfriend and asks, "What did that guy want?" She looks at him and says, "He said he was going to fill up my pussy with ice cream and eat it all up!" The man grows pale and grabs her arm and says, "Come on, let's get out of here." She looks surprised and asks, "Aren't you going to defend me?" And he says, "Sweetie, anyone who can eat that much ice cream must be a god!"