Duck Doesn't Fit In
Q: What do you call a duck that just doesn't fit in?
Down and Dirty!
A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path. "Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter. She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird. Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem. And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale. She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst... "Hey, lady!" "Yes?" she responded. "Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes. "No, not anymore," she answered. "Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"
Bill The Duck
A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick." The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill." The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms." The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?" The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"
Very early one morning two birds were sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So... the one flies over and the other one swims through. Which one gets to the worm first? The one who swam, of course, because "Da oily boid gets da woim."
Duck Hunting Dog
A man invites a friend to watch his prize duck hunting dog at work. They approach the first pond, the dog runs ahead into the brush. He comes back and waves his tail once. The owner tells his friend that this means there is one duck on the pond. They walk up, and sure enough, one duck flies off. At the second pond, the dog waves his tail three times. The owner explains that this means there are three ducks on the pond. When they walk up, exactly three ducks take flight. At the third pond, the dog runs back and forth, humping the hunters' legs and chasing his tail. The friend asks what in the world this means. The owner explains, "This means there are so many f**king ducks on that pond, he can't even count them."