Redneck Bull and Cow

Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.

Signs Your Cow has Mad-Cow Disease

• Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
• She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."
• Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.
• Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
• Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
• Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.
• Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
• Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
• Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
• She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
• Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
• Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
• Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.
• Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
• Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
• Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!
• Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".
• Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
• Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.
• You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
• Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.
• Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.

Blonde Cow

Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A:  So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.