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The best jokes and joke writers!

Not Just Sex

They say that men only think about sex. That's not exactly true. They also care a lot about power, world domination, money, and beer.

A Drinking Problem

I have got a drinking problem.... I've got two hands, but only one mouth...

A Nun Arrives At The Local Bar

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so," she responds.

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

Taken aback, the nun says, "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself."

"Then let me buy you a drink. If you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life."

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks." Then he lowers his voice and says to the barman, "And could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

Looking concerned, the bartender says "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"

Beer Festival - Bar Visit

After the Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

Ricardo from Grupo Modelo sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

Luiz from Anheuser-Busch says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

Mark from Molson Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

Kenny from MadTree Brewing sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Kenny, why aren't you drinking a Happy Amber?" and Kenny replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Guts and Balls

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.  We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:  "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass   and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is No difference in the outcome. Both could result in death.