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The best jokes and joke writers!

Special Olympics

Q: What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics?

A: Having arms and legs.

Better Than Winning

Q: What is better than winning gold at the Para-Olympics?

A: Walking.

Arriving Home Drunk

A man is in a bar, falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk.

So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home?"

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car, and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.The drunk's wife greets them at the door.

"Why thank you for bringing him home for me," she says, "but where is his wheel chair?"

Extremely Drunk

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home." The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said. "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

Ponderings Collection

  • Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
  • If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
  • So what's the speed of dark?
  • Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
  • I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above me are furious.
  • Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
  • Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
  • Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?