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Alcohol Jokes
Have a Another Drink
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whiskey. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
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Men And Pigs
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
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Nicknames
Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about. The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion. "Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'". "Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals. "Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady. The second lady then muses a bit and says, "I think I'm going to name my LeRoy 'Mountain Dew'." "Why, sister, why are you going to name him 'Mountain Dew'?" "Well, cuz mountin' is one thing he do real well," the second lady says. Both then turn to the third woman as she rocks slowly in her chair and of her they ask, "And, what will you name your husband, sister?" "I've been thinking that I just might name him 'Jack Daniels'," she said. "Why, sister, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!!""That's my LeRoy!", the third woman responds.
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