Alcohol Jokes

After the Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

Ricardo from Grupo Modelo sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

Luiz from Anheuser-Busch says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

Mark from Molson Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

Kenny from MadTree Brewing sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Kenny, why aren't you drinking a Happy Amber?" and Kenny replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.  We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:  "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass   and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is No difference in the outcome. Both could result in death.

Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle. "And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands. "Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."

Frank and Bubba were driving home from the bar when Frank noticed blue lights flashing in his rearview mirror. Bubba got scared stiff and started freaking out because of the beers they had in their laps. Frank told Bubba just to be quiet, do what he does, and let him do the talking. Frank then ripped the label off his beer, licked the back of it and slapped it onto his forehead. Bubba went right along and did the same.
The officer walked up to the truck and asked, "Have you had anything to drink tonight?" Frank replied, "No sir. Not a drop." The officer looked confused and said, "You sure?" "Yep," said Frank. The officer in a mad voice said, "Then what's that on y'all's forehead?"
Frank said calmly, "We're alcoholics and our doctor said it would be best if we were on the patch."