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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bar Charts

Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.

German tourist at NYC McDonald's

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle. "And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands. "Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."

You're in Big Trouble

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

What Is A Breathalyzer?

"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool."Well, I'd have to say it's a bag that tells you when you've drank way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years and years now!"

Bouncer Trouble

“If the bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out?”