Profession Jokes - Other Doctor Jokes

A woman goes with her husband to the doctor for his exam. After the exam, the doctor pulls the wife aside and says: “Your husband is suffering from severe long-term stress, and he is a good candidate for a heart attack or stroke. If you don’t do the following three things, he will surely die. First, every morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Second, when he gets home make him a warm, nutritious dinner, and don’t burden him with household chores. Third, have sex with him several times a week.” On the way home, the husband asks the wife, “I saw the doctor talking to you and he looked serious. What did he say?” Wife: “He says you’re gonna die.”

A polish man goes to the eye doctor and looks at the chart - P Z C R K I C H. The doctor asks, "Can you see them?"

The man says, "See them? That's his cousin."

She said, "Kiss me doctor!" Doctor said, "I can't as we doctors have an ethics standard that does not allow us to kiss our patients, in fact, I really shouldn't be fucking you."

This guy goes to the doctor for a vasectomy. Unlike the usual patients, he shows up in a limo, and he's sitting in the doctor's office in a rented tuxedo with black tie. The doctor says, "I've done a lot of these, but I've never seen a limo and tuxedo before. What's the story?" To which the fellow responds, "If I'm gonna BE im-potent, I'm gonna LOOK im-potent!"

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath. The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub. Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax... Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"