The Doctor Backs Away

Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're sitting on the examination table telling him about your symptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs a little further away?

Taking Temperature

This guy took his nymphomaniac wife to the sex therapist for treatment. "This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor," he said, "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, any age, any time, anywhere and it is just driving me crazy with jealousy." 
"We'll see," the therapist said. He directed the wife into his examining room, closed the door behind her, and told her to get undressed. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach. The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to squirm and moan. It was too much for him to resist, so he climbed up on top of her and began screwing her. The husband suddenly hears the moans and groans coming from the examination room. Very suspicious, he bursts into the room and is confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife and banging away.
"Doctor, what are you doing?!?" he asked. Flustered, the therapist replied,
"Oh, it's you! I'm only taking your wife's temperature!" The husband pulled out a large pocket knife and began to hone it deliberately on his sleeve.
"Well, doc," he said, "when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"

A Dose of HMO's Own Medicine

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people."
St. Peter: "That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?"
Nurse: "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult."
St. Peter: "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?"
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: "I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country."
St. Peter: "Oh, I see. Please go in.. but you can only stay two nights!"