Fire Truck

A man notices a small boy wearing a fireman’s hat, sitting in a cart being pulled by his pet dog. When he gets closer he notices that the cart is tied to the dog’s testicles . “That’s a nice fire engine,” says the man. “But wouldn’t the dog pull faster if you tied the rope to his collar?” “Yes,” says the boy. “But then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

Magician and Parrot

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat" "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

Signs Your Cow has Mad-Cow Disease

• Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
• She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."
• Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.
• Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
• Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
• Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.
• Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
• Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
• Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
• She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
• Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
• Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
• Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.
• Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
• Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
• Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!
• Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".
• Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
• Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.
• You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
• Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.
• Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.