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The best jokes and joke writers!

Sky Noise

Radar: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees. "Pilot: "Roger, but we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?" Radar: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"

Perfectly Healthy

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."

Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

Dermatologists

Q: Why should you keep away from dermatologists?

A: They make rash decisions.

Cowboy Talks To Animals

A cowboy passes by a ranch and strikes up a conversation with the rancher sitting by the gate. The cowboy asks the rancher, "Mind if I talk to your dog over there?" "Damn fool, don't you know dogs can't talk?" The cowboy replies, "So what's the harm?" The rancher shrugs, "Go right ahead." The cowboy ambles up to the dog and says, "Howdy!" The dog replies, "Hello." The rancher's eyes pop wide open. The cowboy continues, "Does your master here treat you alright?" "Sure does. He feeds me, lets me sleep inside, and every day he takes me to the lake." The cowboy asks the shocked rancher, "Mind if I talk to your horse over there?" The rancher replies, "Now, I don't know what you're up to, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk." "Well then, what's the harm?" "Go right ahead," says the rancher. The cowboy says to the horse, "Hello." The horse replies, "Hello." The rancher's jaw drops. The cowboy asks, "Your owner here treat you OK?" "Sure," replies the horse, tossing his mane. "He rides me every day, brushes me down, feeds me good, and he keeps me in the barn out of the bad weather." The cowboy looks satisfied and turns to the rancher, "Are those your sheep over there?" The rancher looks alarmed and stammers, "Listen...them sheep out there, they're -- they're nothing but a bunch of liars!"

Pretty Big

A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation. There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.

The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park. "What's that?" says the Texan.

"Oh! That's Queens Park," says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government. Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big."

"Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large," says the Texan. They continue along and past First Canadian Place.

"Holy cow," says the Texan, "What's that?"

"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country," says the Cabby, "it took almost 4 years to build."

"Really," says the Texan, "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time."

They continue on the way, the cabby a little miffed at the bragging, when they drive past the CN Tower. Now the Texan has his head out the window looking up at the 1850' tower and rotating restaurant at 1300.

"Holy Crap!" says the Texan. "What in gods name is that? How long did it take to build that!"

The Cabby nonchalantly glances out the window and says, "Heck if I know, it wasn't there yesterday!"