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The best jokes and joke writers!

Air Trouble

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We're currently flying at an altitude of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port engines have fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and our flight attendant. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

New Slogans For Value Jet

  • When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
  • We're Amtrak with wings.
  • Join our frequent near-miss program.
  • On flights, every section is a smoking section.
  • Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
  • Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
  • Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
  • Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
  • Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
  • The kids will love our inflatable slides.
  • You think it's so easy, get your own plane!
  • Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
  • Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
  • We may be landing on your street.
  • Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
  • Bring a bathing suit.
  • Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
  • That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.
  • Find out there really is a God.
  • A real man lands where he wants to.

Problems During Flight

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

Trouble with plane engines

While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and a passenger looked out the window.  "Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came running over.  Suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order.

Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs. "Say", spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?". The pilot confirmed that they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?".  "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

Smooth Flying

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained... "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."