Watch Those Buttons
One day John decides to invite Mark on a trip on his private jet. Whilst on this luxury aeroplane Mark asks where the toilet is. John shows him and says to him "inside there are 3 buttons, whatever you do don't press the third one." Mark proceeds to the toilet and does his business. Whilst sitting on the toilet he presses the first button. Suddenly his privates are cleaned thoroughly. He enjoys this and presses the second button. Dryers appear and dry his privates. He is intrigued to find out what button 3 does, so he pushes it. The next thing Mark sees is John staring at him... "what happened?" Mark asks shakily. "Well you pressed the third button and now you are in hospital." "Why do my privates hurt so bad?" Mark asked anxiously... John replies "Well you activated the automatic tampon remover."
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We're currently flying at an altitude of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port engines have fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and our flight attendant. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"
Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though. The pastor says "I should go! everybody needs religion!" they agree and he jumps. Another guy says "I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke!" so he jumps. The old guy says to the hippie "I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump." But the hippie replies "Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!"
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said that she had. She then said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."
Elle McPherson, Cindy Crawford, and Naomi Campbell are going by air to a photo shoot. Halfway through the flight the plane had engine trouble, the pilot warned the girls to assume the crash position, just in case they went down. Elle put on more make-up saying, "They always rescued the beautiful ones first.' Cindy donned her jewelery claiming, "They would rescue the richest one first," upon which Naomi, threw off all her clothes, pressing herself against the window saying, "You're both wrong, the first thing they look for is the Black Box"!