Profession Jokes

The Balance of Washington

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found Him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is THAT?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it 'Earth' and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things". God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God, "That's Washington State, one of the most glorious places on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains and valleys. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "But,.. What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "OH,... There IS another Washington...and wait until you see the freakin' idiots I put THERE!!!!."

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Insult Jokes , Political Jokes , Profession Jokes (Politician Jokes) , Word Play Jokes , Religion Jokes (God Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (Washington D.C. Jokes)
Anonymous

Doctor Says Ten

A man walks into the Doctors office. "I have the results of your test and I'm afraid you're going to die," says the Doctor. The man asks, "How long do I have to live?" "Ten," replies the Doctor. "What the heck does that mean," the man asks. "Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks. What?" The doctor replies "Nine."

Categories: Profession Jokes (Other Doctor Jokes) , Word Play Jokes
Anonymous

Where Are The Fingers?

Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do." Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers." The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 1998. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?" Jon says, "Well, shit, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."

Categories: Profession Jokes (ER Doctor Jokes) , Disability Jokes
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Anonymous