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The best jokes and joke writers!

Show Me The Money!

  1. A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere!
  2. A fool and his money are soon elected.
  3. A fool and his money are soon popular.
  4. A fool and his money is my kind of customer!
  5. If money's the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
  6. All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
  7. Come to Florida, bring money, BUT GET THE HECK OFF OUR BEACH!
  8. Even the blind can see money.
  9. Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
  10. It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
  11. Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
  12. Money burns a hole in my pocket... how about yours?
  13. Money is like an arm or leg, use it or lose it.
  14. Money is the root of all bills.
  15. Money may buy "friendship," but it cannot buy love.
  16. Money Talks - and it usually says NO!!
  17. Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you money.
  18. Political Motto: I had some morals; sold them for money.
  19. This country has the best politicians money can buy.
  20. Time and Money. Two things we don't have enough of....
  21. Turbo-Tax took money out of my Quicken directory.
  22. Visit your money this year - vacation in Washington D.C.
  23. When money talks, it usually says "Bend over."
  24. You infernal machine! Give me a soda or my money back!
  25. Alimony? ... sounds kind like all your money
  26. No one kills over drugs ... They kill over money.
  27. Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.

American Divorce

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

Simplified Income Taxes

Q: How much money did you make last year?

A: Send it to us.

The Balance of Washington

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found Him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is THAT?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it 'Earth' and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things". God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God, "That's Washington State, one of the most glorious places on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains and valleys. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "But,.. What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "OH,... There IS another Washington...and wait until you see the freakin' idiots I put THERE!!!!."

Crowded D.C. Bridge

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.