Joy of Sex

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts." "Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's 'love canal'. Then, on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue." "Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his 'love pole'. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them. He conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help." The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us." "Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios..."

Little Johnny - Stupid

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

Billy's Father and His Mystery Occupation

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"  Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."  "That's wonderful.  How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."  "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher.  "What about your father, Billy?"  Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."  The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day, she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.  Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"