Doctor Predicts Longevity

Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.  
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

Johnny Being Johnny

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to the poisons."

Four Kids

There were once four kids, Poop, Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble. Poop was riding his bike and fell. Manners went to help him up. Trouble got lost. Shut Up goes to the Police Station to report it.
Officer: What's your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up.
Officer: What's your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up.
Officer: For the last time, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
Shut Up: Shut Up!
Officer: Are you looking for Trouble?
Shut Up: Yeah, we lost him about 2 miles back.
Officer: Where's your Manners?
Shut Up: Back there pickin' up Poop.