Kidnappers Caught Him

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
January 12, 1993 - San Francisco  police arrested Russell C. Sultan in July and charged him with attempting to extort $23,000 from his mother and girlfriend by claiming to have been kidnapped for ransom. After tracing telephone calls, police, guns drawn, burst into a motel room to find Sultan casually eating fried chicken and watching a 49ers football game. Sultan said the kidnappers had merely left him alone for a while, and exclaimed to the officers, "What took you so long?"

Doctor I'm a Dog!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!

Locked Out

Locked my keys in the car outside an abortion clinic. They weren't impressed when I went in and asked if they had a coat hanger.