Dat Ass

I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."

Lobsters and Their Ice Cream

Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach.The girl lobster suggested that the boy lobster go get them an ice cream cone. Having purchased two cones, Mr. Lobster made his way back to the beach, deciding on the way back to eat his ice cream. By the time he had finished the ice cream, he realized that his girlfriend's had started to melt all down his claw, so he licked it up and ended up eating hers too. When he arrived back at the beach, Ms. Lobster asked, "Where's my ice cream cone?"
"Well, I decided to eat mine, then yours melted so I ate it, too," he replied.
She was enraged and cried, "You shellfish jerk!!"

Lawrence of Poland

Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
A: Lawrence of Poland