Glutton for Punishment

He heard that a man gets hit by an automobile every twenty minutes. He said, "What a glutton for punishment, that guy!"

What's In a Name?

An actor auditioned for a part in a musical comedy many years ago. The director was impressed with the young man's talent. He could dance, he could sing, he had perfect comic timing.  The director asked the young man his name.  "Penis van Lesbian," the man replied proudly.  "Well," said the director, "we'll have to change that."  "Oh," the young man said, "I could never change my name. It's my heritage."  "Well," said the director, "if you're not willing to change your name, you'll never go anywhere in show business."  The young man left the theater dejectedly.  A couple of years later, the director and the young man happened to meet on the street.  "Do you remember me," asked the young man?  "Yes, I do," said the director. "I almost cast you once for a musical comedy. What have you been up to."  "Well, I finally took your advice," the young man said. "I changed my name and I have been quite successful in show business ever since."  "I told you so," the director replied. "And what name did you choose, Mr. van Lesbian?"  "Dick van Dyke."

Natural Major

Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A: A natural major.