Bad Dream

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face. "Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again." "What dream?" asked the shrink, not really paying attention. "You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or am I just beating a dead horse?"

Cat Actors

Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby!

True Signs

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
• On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
• At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
• On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
• In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
• In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
• In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
• In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
• On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ear piercings"