This 55- year- old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed, laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous; what on earth are you doing?" She says, "I just got the results of my annual physical and my doctor said I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 55-year-old ass?" She says, "Your name never came up!"
Ronald McDonald at a Nude Beach
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
A: You look for the sesame seed buns!
Who's the Boss?
The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks."
The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person."
The legs declared, "I should be boss since I carry the body and all the weight is on me."
So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses.Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.."
He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him.
"You, an asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!"
The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up.The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not take it anymore.
"Ok, ok, you're the boss!" They gave in. So the asshole became the boss of the body.
The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need to be an asshole.
Honesty Isn't Always Best
A man and woman were lying in bed one night and the woman said to the man, "I sure wish I had bigger tits." The man responded by saying she should rub toilet paper all over them. The woman looked at him and asked, "Toilet paper, what will that do?" The man said, "I don't know, but look what it's done for your ass!"
A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!" She ignores the remark. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."