We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Great News

This 55- year- old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed, laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous; what on earth are you doing?" She says, "I just got the results of my annual physical and my doctor said I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 55-year-old ass?" She says, "Your name never came up!"

Ronald McDonald at a Nude Beach

Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

A: You look for the sesame seed buns!

Who's the Boss?

The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.

The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks."

The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person."

The legs declared, "I should be boss since I carry the body and all the weight is on me."

So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses.Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.."

He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him.

"You, an asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!"

The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up.The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not take it anymore.

"Ok, ok, you're the boss!" They gave in. So the asshole became the boss of the body.

The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need to be an asshole.

Shiners

A man comes home from work sporting two black eyes. “What happened to you?” asks his wife. “I’ll never understand women,” he replies. “I was riding on the escalator behind this pretty young girl, when I noticed her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!” “I see, and how did you get the second black eye?” asks his wife. He replies, “Well, I figured she liked it that way, so I pushed it back in again.”

Honesty Isn't Always Best

A man and woman were lying in bed one night and the woman said to the man, "I sure wish I had bigger tits." The man responded by saying she should rub toilet paper all over them. The woman looked at him and asked, "Toilet paper, what will that do?" The man said, "I don't know, but look what it's done for your ass!"