Ronald McDonald at a Nude Beach
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
A: You look for the sesame seed buns!
A man comes home from work sporting two black eyes. “What happened to you?” asks his wife. “I’ll never understand women,” he replies. “I was riding on the escalator behind this pretty young girl, when I noticed her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!” “I see, and how did you get the second black eye?” asks his wife. He replies, “Well, I figured she liked it that way, so I pushed it back in again.”
Honesty Isn't Always Best
A man and woman were lying in bed one night and the woman said to the man, "I sure wish I had bigger tits." The man responded by saying she should rub toilet paper all over them. The woman looked at him and asked, "Toilet paper, what will that do?" The man said, "I don't know, but look what it's done for your ass!"
A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!" She ignores the remark. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years.
Q: What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond?
A: My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match.