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The best jokes and joke writers!

Happy Bike

Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

A: 'Yamahahaha'

George Bush Slogans

Top George Bush Slogans

  • I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
  • I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
  • I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.
  • Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?
  • Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
  • I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.
  • New penal plan: I won't use mine!
  • Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.
  • George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers
  • Vote for Bush and against Common Sense. 

9 Comments From Olympic Commentators

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

True Signs

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

  • On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
  • On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
  • At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
  • On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
  • In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
  • In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
  • In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
  • In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
  • On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ear piercings"

Stupid Quotes Around The World

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

  • "That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV
  • "And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3
  • Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and engineering services? - BBC Radio 1
  • "Marling - unbeaten in her three victories." Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV
  • " Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets." James Hunt, BBC2 TV
  • "A church spire nestling among the trees... there's probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV