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The best jokes and joke writers!

Funny Cycle

Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

A: 'Yamahahaha'

Signs and Notices 01

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "

At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."

Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"

At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"

Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."

In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."

A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS"

A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road."

Stupid Quotes

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: "Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy."

Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: "There's nothing athletes like - or indeed hate - more than hanging around like this."

David Coleman, BBC 1 TV "Not being in the Rumbelows Cup for those teams won't mean a row of beans, 'cos that's only small potatoes."

Tommy Docherty, Picadilly Radio Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3: "We don't appear to have Jim Fish on the line at the moment." "Are there any more great swimmers in the pipeline?"

Cliff Morgan, BBC Radio 4 "Andre Vandapole has four silver medals in cyclocross, and none of them gold."

Phil Liggott, Channel 4 TV "Well, I shall remember that catch for many a dying day."

The Ford Slogan

Q: Have you driven a Ford lately?

A: Yeh, that's why I drive a Chevy!

True Signs

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

  • On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
  • On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
  • At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
  • On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
  • In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
  • In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
  • In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
  • In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
  • On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ear piercings"