Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
- Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
- On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
- On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
- Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
- Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
- In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
- Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"
- On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
- In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
- On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
- At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
- In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
9 Comments From Olympic Commentators
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Signs and Notices 01
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "
At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."
Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"
At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"
Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."
In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."
A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS"
A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road."
These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.
Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: "Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy."
Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: "There's nothing athletes like - or indeed hate - more than hanging around like this."
David Coleman, BBC 1 TV "Not being in the Rumbelows Cup for those teams won't mean a row of beans, 'cos that's only small potatoes."
Tommy Docherty, Picadilly Radio Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3: "We don't appear to have Jim Fish on the line at the moment." "Are there any more great swimmers in the pipeline?"
Cliff Morgan, BBC Radio 4 "Andre Vandapole has four silver medals in cyclocross, and none of them gold."
Phil Liggott, Channel 4 TV "Well, I shall remember that catch for many a dying day."