Word Play Jokes

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas. Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He leaves the casino in a limo, calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas." His wife says, "That's wonderful. What should I pack for...Europe, the Caribbean?" He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."

The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described.

Teacher: "The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem."

Timmy: "I know what it is, it's an apple."

Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." "OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it."

Christopher: "I know what it is, it's an orange."

Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking."

Johnny: "Can I try, Teacher?"

Teacher: "Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!" Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a second, and says "My object is round, hard, and has a head on it."

Teacher: "Alright Johnny, go to the office!"

Johnny: "No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!"

Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?

A: A meowntain.

Q: What does a hillbilly call a deer with no eyes?

A: No Eye Deer (No idear)

I shop for shoes the way black men hit on women. It has to jump out and grab me.