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The best jokes and joke writers!

You are from Canada

You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when....

  • You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
  • You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  • You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  • You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
  • Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
  • You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
  • You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  • You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  • The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
  • At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
  • The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  • Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  • You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
  • You head south to go to your cottage.
  • You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
  • You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  • The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
  • You find -40C a little chilly.
  • The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
  • You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
  • You can play road hockey on skates.
  • You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
  • The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
  • You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.

Frozen Windows

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning... 

'Windows frozen; won't open'

Husband texts back, 'Pour warm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer'

Five minutes later wife texts back, 'Computer really messed up now.'

Cold in Boston

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Massachusetts.  He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.  The temperature is -32 and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. The wind chill is -59.  His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

He told me that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in!

Boston Freeze

My husband and I purchased an old home in Boston from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and the years first snow came early and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."