We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

The best jokes and joke writers!


Q: How did the tree feel in the spring?

A: Releaved.

Spring Bets

Mother Nature is just throwing out temps like Powerball numbers

86  42  66  53  40  32

Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter

  1. The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make when she walks.
  2. BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.
  3. Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.
  4. Finally, a chance to say, "Yeah, but it's a dry cold."
  5. Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.
  6. You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.
  7. Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid your self of those troublesome extremities.
  8. No news clips of the President jogging for at least 8 more weeks.
  9. Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else's toasty-warm glove-clad hands.
  10. Flashers stick to describing themselves.
  11. Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for elicit affairs.
  12. When it's 10 below, nobody gives a rat's ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.
  13. With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon.
  14. The shivering just makes your Katherine Hepburn impersonation that much better, you old poop!
  15. Goodbye, runny nose. Hello, Snotcicles!

Ice Fishing Luck

An old man walked out onto a frozen lake on a bitter cold winter day. He drilled a hole in the ice, sat on his bucket, put his fishing line in the water and eagerly waited for a fish to bite. He was there for almost five hours without even a nibble when a young boy walked out, drilled a hole in the ice and sat on his bucket not far from the old man. It only took about one minute and BAM! A huge walleye bit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it and figured it was just luck. Yet, the boy put his fish line in again and within just two minutes he pulled in another huge walleye! This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't stand it any more. He hadn't caught a fish all day. He went to the boy and said, "Boy, I've been here nearly all day without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught TEN huge fish! How do you do it?" The boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm." "What," asked the old man? Again the boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm." Freezing and impatient the old man yelled "Look, I can't understand a word you are saying." So, the boy took off his gloves, spit a clump of stuff into his hands and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!!"