U.S. State Jokes - Massachusetts Jokes
My husband and I purchased an old home in Boston from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and the years first snow came early and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."
In late 2014 the Wampanoag Indians asked their Chief if the winter was going to be cold and snowy. Not really knowing an answer, the chief takes a guess and tells the members of the village to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the library and checked the internet forecast from the National Weather Service. He was happy to see that their data agreed with message he gave his village. So the now confident Chief went back with a more urgent message to his people to collect even more wood and to be prepared. A month later he again visited the library and checked the forecast. The new forecast predicted even colder temperatures and huge snowfall. So the chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood. Two weeks later he makes one final check with the National Weather Service. This time he calls and speaks with one of their senior forecasters, gets an even colder forecast with even more snow and asks the agent how they can be so certain. The man replies, "The Indians in Boston are collecting wood like crazy!"
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah“, not a single one could shout “Truck.”
New Theory of Language
The quantity of consonants in the English language is absolutely constant. If consonants are omitted in one geographic area, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah", the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
Two Columbia Gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood north of Boston. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter and pressure regulator. Finishing the check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two Columbia Gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"