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The best jokes and joke writers!

Phone Number

Ring Ring...Hello, who is it?

Is your phone number 13498732?

No.

So, why did you pick up the phone?

Doctor on Hold

Q: Why don't some doctors like being on hold?

A: They don't have a lot of patients.

Answering Machine - Right to Remain Silent

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. 

Real Live Answering Machine

Hi, you have reached Richard. I'm sorry, but my answering machine is out of order, so the voice you are hearing is actually me.

Mortuary Answering Machine

Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.