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The best jokes and joke writers!

Friday Pick-Up Lines - Phone Trouble

There's something wrong with my phone.

It doesn't have your number in it...

Texting Trouble

A man received text message from his neighbor:

"Sorry sir, I am using your wife, day and night when you aren't home. I'm confessing this to you because I feel very guilty. I hope you will accept my sincere apology".

The man was so angry he killed his wife.

A few minutes later he received another text message :

"Damn auto correct! Sorry sir, spelling mistake, wi fi - not wife".

Best BF Ever

A guy is running on a treadmill in the gym and he sees an iPhone X sitting on the next treadmill with no one around. Just then it starts ringing and a buff dude comes and answers it on speakerphone. It's a sweet voice of a young woman. The conversation goes like this:

Women: HEY BABY!!! ARE YOU STILL AT THE GYM?

Buff Dude: Yeah!!

Women: Well, okay, so I'm out shopping with my friend Sarah and we see this beautiful dress, it's so gorgeous! It's the last one and it's on sale. Sarah says it makes me look hot and that I should buy it now. I think so too but I don't have that much cash.  Would you mind if I use your card to buy it? It's only $600. Please Please?

Buff Dude: Okay!!!

Women: THANK YOU HONEY!!! Also, there's this beautiful necklace that matches the dress and it's on sale for $199. The dress is nothing without the necklace, can I get it too?

Buff Dude: Yeah!!

Women: OMG!! you are the best and speaking of the best you know that Kaitlyn's wedding is coming up and these guys have this beautiful gown, It will make me look like a princess and it's only $1200.  Can I get that now too?

Buff Dude: get it...

Women: OH MY GOSH...YOU ARE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER !!! I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH...THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M GONNA TREAT YOU FOR THIS. DON'T SPEND ALL OF YOUR ENERGY AT THE GYM, YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT TONIGHT!

LOVE YOU!!!

Buff Dude: Bye!!

The buff dude takes the phone and leaves.  The guy can't believe the conversation, figures the buff dude must be loaded and babe extremely hot. A few minutes later he hears a page over the gym loudspeaker:

Would the person who lost an iPhone X please come to the front desk - you had a phone call!

China Apple

Q: What does Apple call their new iPhone X for Chinese people?

A: The iOpener

Bad Date Rescue

Ken sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry," Ken says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. But just in case you need to escape, there's a 'Bad Date Rescue App' you can install on your smartphone. Schedule your phone to ring just after you meet her and answer with, 'Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?"  It works every time.

So that night, Mike knocks on the girl's door and when she comes out he is awestruck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl's phone rings and she answers with, "Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?"