Given the recent slowdown in iPhone X sales, Apple announced today that it will skip the wearables market and develop a line of digital implants for adults. Shipping in the summer of 2018, the Apple iBoob is a breast enhancement device that can store and play music. Sold in pairs, the new Apple iBoobs will cost from $999 to $1399 depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Q: What does Apple call their new iPhone X for Chinese people?
A: The iOpener
Yo Mama - Smartphone
Yo mama's so fat she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie.
Bad Date Rescue
Ken sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Ken says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. But just in case you need to escape, there's a 'Bad Date Rescue App' you can install on your smartphone. Schedule your phone to ring just after you meet her and answer with, 'Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?" It works every time.
So that night, Mike knocks on the girl's door and when she comes out he is awestruck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl's phone rings and she answers with, "Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?"
Friday Pick-Up Lines - Phone Trouble
There's something wrong with my phone.
It doesn't have your number in it...