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The best jokes and joke writers!

Cheat at Swimming

Did you hear about the blonde that, after losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms?

Andy Rooney Quotes

  • Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
  • I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
  • I am in shape. Round's a shape!
  • Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
  • Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
  • The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
  • Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library, the Jimmy Carter Library, the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Tyson's Upcoming Fight

Q: Did you know that Mike Tyson has an upcoming fight with Prince Charles?

A: It seems that no-one else has big enough ears to go 12 rounds.

When the staff goes out after work, they talk about...

When the staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball. When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball. Top management discusses golf. Conclusion: The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are.

Bad Advice

Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.