If Men Ruled The Sports World

• Once a year, you could gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets and go pillage a nearby town.
• The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From a Different Camera Angle."
• The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers' mascot.

How Does A Man Keep His Youth?

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Go Fly a Kite

So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite, he was really having a difficult time. The kite was swinging wildly, not exactly what you'd describe as stable, so his wife sticks her head out the door and says, "Gee Ralph, it looks like you need more tail." Ralph replies "Make up your damn mind, last night you told me to go fly a kite!"