Sex Jokes - Prostitute Jokes
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
Dave's Adventure In A Cave (Limerick)
There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit and missing one tit, but think of the money he saved!
Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. "Just where the heck do you think you're going!", said the man. "I'm going to Las Vegas", said the wife, "I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free! The man said, "Wait a minute!", and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. "Where the heck are you going?", said the wife. The man said, "I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!"
A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500.
Before he leaves the next morning, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office he regrets what he has done. Realizing that the whole event was not worth the price, he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:
Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;
1) it had never been occupied;
2) there was plenty of heat; and
3) it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied. That there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady.
Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.
A man walks into a brothel. He walks up to the proprietor and says: "What can I get for ten dollars?" The proprietor says: "Go up the stairs, first room on the right."
The man walks into the room and sits on the bed, he notices a small door at the bottom of one of the walls. The door opens up, and a chicken comes walking out. The man has his way with the chicken. The man comes back the next day and says to the proprietor: "I didn't really like that, and I'd like a refund."
The proprietor says: "Oh, good sir, trust me. Go up the stairs, but this time go into the first room on the left, and you won't want your ten dollars back."
So the man goes into the room, and this room is much larger than the other, with theatre-type seating, and a big curtain on one side. A few people are scattered throughout the seats, and the man sits down. The curtain opens up, and it's actually large flat screen TV and what appears to be a live camera feed of an orgy. The man leans over to a guy sitting next to him and says: "Man, this is something, huh?" The other guy says: "You should have been here yesterday. Some guy was fucking a chicken."