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The best jokes and joke writers!

Two Guys And A Whorehouse

These two guys go to a whorehouse. The first guy goes in then comes out and says, "My wife is better." The second guy goes in then comes out and says, "You know what? Your wife IS better."

Fuck For A Duck

A farmer sent his 15 year old son to town and, as a birthday present, handed him a duck., "See if you can get a girl in exchange for this," he said. In town, the lad met a prostitute and said, "It's my birthday and all I've got is this duck. Would you be willing to..." "Sure," she said., "I'm sentimental about birthdays. And besides, I've never owned a duck." Afterwards, she said, "Do you know, for a 15 year old, you're quite a lay. If you do it again, I'll give you back your duck." "Sure," said the boy. When his pleasurable work was through, the lad started on his way home. While he was crossing the main street in the village, the duck suddenly flew out of his hands and was hit by a passing beer truck. The driver of the truck felt sorry for the boy and gave him $2. When the lad returned home, his father asked, "Well, how did you make out?" His son replied, "Heck, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and two bucks for a fucked-up duck!" As you want, no strings attached.

FIling Taxes

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman, "Okay, I'm a prostitute." "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."

Motel 65

Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages. She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a  dime off his well-oiled buns.

She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call. "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?"

Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, so she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.  We'll go at it all night ... tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?"

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Office - Show Me the Money

A boss said to his secretary I want to have sex with you and I'll make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, "Do it but ask him for $2000, if you pick up the money very fast he won't have enough time to undress himself."

So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "What happened?" She responds, "The bastard used coins."