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The best jokes and joke writers!

Black People and Sperm

Q: What do black people and sperm have in common?

A: Only one in a million work.

Blonde and Turtle Have in Common

Q:  What does a blond and a turtle have in common?

A:  When they lay on their backs they're screwed!

Clinton Bumper Stickers

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:

  • HONK! If you had sex with the President
  • Clinton: We forgive you...Now Resign!
  • Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
  • Adultery IS NOT a family value
  • Does character matter YET?
  • One More Whore And We Get Gore
  • Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
  • My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
  • Jail to the Chief
  • Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
  • The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
  • If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
  • Save the President: Legalize Perjury
  • Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
  • Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

Irish Viagra

An old rish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra," asked the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What is Irish Viagra?" she asked. "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and let's talk in a week." A week later the doctor called the woman to check on the results. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!" "Oh my, really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me biscuits, gravy, cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" "Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face at Bob Evans again."

Keep the Motor Running

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"