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Sex Jokes
Witch Panties
Q: Why don't witches wear panties?
A: So they can get a better grip on the broom.
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Gay Man's Last Fun
Three Americans died overseas in the war. The General of the three was sent to each of the houses to inform their spouses.
He went to the first man's house and told the man's wife of the tragic news. She cried for a moment and the General asked her what she wanted to do with his body. ''Well," she said, ''he loved to fish so I would like to have his body creamated and his ashes spread over the lake so he can be forever with his fish." And it was done.
The General went and informed the second man's wife. She too cried and was then asked what was to be done with his body. She said, "Well, he loved to hunt, so I think it would be great if we could have him creamated and have his ashes scattered over the forests so he can be forever with the creatures that he loved so much."
The third man was gay. The General was a little hesitant but proceeded in telling the man's husband the bad news. The man cried and screamed for well over an hour and then finally calmed down enough to hear the General's question. "What would you like to do with his body?" The gay man reesponded, "Well, my husband was a good man, but he was not very outgoing. He didn't like to do anything outside the house. He was the best lover I ever had. He was amazing in bed. He loved my chili too. I loved him so much. Well, the only logical thing to do is to have his body cremated, make some chili for dinner, throw his ashes in, and let him burn my ass up one more time!"
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Jewish Drinks
Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. "Bartender," he says, "give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab." When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he's at her side. "That was very kind of you," she says. "Won't you sit down?" After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm a professional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundred dollars. If that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, and I'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings." "I'm surprised," says Berkowitz. "But you're a beautiful lady, and I like you, too. I've never done something like this before, but sure, let's go upstairs. "When they get to Berkowitz's room, he says, "I was wondering. There's something about you that makes me think you might be Jewish." "Well, I am," she replies a little defensively. "Why do you ask?" "Well, I'm Jewish, too," says Berkowitz. "And since we're both Jewish, I was hoping you would give me a discount." "Dammit," she replies, "I was afraid this would happen. Okay, twenty percent off. But I want you to know, at these prices I'm not making any profit!"
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