Sex Jokes

When it comes to human sexuality, men are like microwave ovens and women are crockpots.

One guy had three balls, so he went to the doctor. He was too shy to tell the doctor his story so he told him, "Let's just say me and you together have 5 balls in total." So the doctor replied, "What! you've got four!?"

The friends of the bride decided to give the newlyweds a tape recording of the couple making love on their honeymoon night as a gag wedding gift. They accomplished this by hiding a tape recording under the newlywed's bed that evening. Before they gave the recorded tape to her, they played the tape and heard her moaning to her new husband, "That's happiness! That's happiness!" But her voice sounded funny and they discovered that they were playing the tape at the wrong speed. When they slowed the tape down to the correct pitch, they were surprised to hear her shouting at him, "That's a penis?! That's a penis?!"

There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous chicks swarming all around him. Seeing this, a second guy strolls on up to him and asks, "What's your secret?" The guy whispers, "All you gotta do is stick a pickle in your pants." In a flourish, the second guy runs off and stuffs a pickle in his pants. But when he returns to the shore, he soon discovers that every single girl that looks his way, runs off screaming in bloody terror. Confused, he hurries over to the first guy and desperately asks, "Why are all the girls running away from me?" The first guy looks up and replies, "The pickle's on the wrong side."

Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. He comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"  The mom says "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play.  Several minutes later he comes running back and says,"Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"  Mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"