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Top 10 Advice from Kids

  1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
  2. When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer.
  3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
  4. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
  5. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
  6. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  7. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
  8. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
  9. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
  10. Never try to baptize a cat.

Little Peanut

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, "Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Her mom fainted.

Do the Math

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

A Lesson in Politics

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."

The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist, because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"

The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was woken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom. He found his father's side of the bed empty, and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then, he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned, and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."

"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"

The little boy thought for a minute, then said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."

Teachers Care

Q: Which teachers care the most about their students?

A: Math teachers, because every student counts.