Religion Jokes

Heaven Pick Up Line

Q: What time do you have to be back in Heaven?
A: Because I have to be back in my grave in about six hours.

Categories: Pickup Lines (Universal) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Riddles
Anonymous

Muslim Heaven

Three Muslims died and went to Heaven. When they approached the gate, St. Peter said "Sorry, only Christians are allowed in Heaven." The Muslims said "But we are good Christians!" St. Peter replied "Okay, if you're good Christians then tell me what is Easter?" The first Muslim went up to St. Peter and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a white bunny suit and hopped around delivering eggs to children!" St. Peter shook his head, and said "Next!" The second Muslim guy then came up and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a red and white suit and flied around delivering presents to good children!" St. Peter sighed, and said "Next!" So the last Muslim guy comes up to old St. Peter and says, "Oh, I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man died on the cross for the people, and they buried him in a cave. After three days the Jesus man got up, went out of the cave, saw his shadow, and there was 6 more weeks of winter!"

Categories: Holiday Jokes (Easter Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Muslim Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Religion Jokes (God Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Jewish Fly

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink.  He notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen. He is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her.  He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish fly in the back.  The bartender says he will check and comes back a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder.  He says to the man,"this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that, but this is just as good.  This is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to get her over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!"  So the man forks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a champagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his compliments.
The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero rather disinterestedly.  But about twenty minutes later she slinks off her bar stool,  she saunters across the room toward our hero in a most seductive manner, oozing sensuality (our hero is terrifically excited) she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shoulders and leans in close to his ear (he can feel her breath on his neck) and she whispers "Hey big boy, want to go shopping?"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Jewish Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous