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The best jokes and joke writers!

Tell Me

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye. She paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. then, finally, she says. . . . . . . "You."

Nothing But The Truth

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8.00 p.m." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!!"

Fair Play

A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she suggested that he shave his beard. “Oh Ken, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.” Ken replied, “My wife loves this beard, there is no way I could shave it, she would kill me!!” “Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice. Ken sighed and finally gave in and shaved his face smooth.

That night Ken crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. His wife woke up, reached over and felt his face and said, “Oh Tony, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!”

The Smack

All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, "What was that for?"  Wife said, "Because, you are a bad fuck". Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, "And may I ask what's that about?" Husband said, " Simple, because you know the difference."