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The best jokes and joke writers!

Paradox of Woman

  • If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.
  • If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.
  • If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.
  • If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.
  • If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
  • If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.
  • If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.
  • If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
  • If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
  • If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.
  • If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
  • If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics.
  • If you stare at others, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
  • If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.

Redneck Dayvorce

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."

Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."

Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."

Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."

Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later, he received this letter:

Most Honorable Sir,

You leave house, he come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb tree to see. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. I play with me, I fall out of tree, I not see.

No fee,

Chen Lee

Prescription

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for?" She says, "I want to kill my husband." He says "Sorry, I can't do that." She then reaches into her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

Nosy Neighbor

A 12-year-old boy walks up to his Polish neighbor and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw you and your wife naked!" The guy answers, "The joke's on you, Johnny...I wasn't even home last night!"