A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later, he received this letter:
Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house, he come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb tree to see. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. I play with me, I fall out of tree, I not see.
I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.
But all it did was change the color of the baby.
Blonde - Phone Call
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."
Cure for a Headache
Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache.
"I've got a beaut cure for a headache," said his mate Trev. "Whenever I have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blow job. Never fails."
A week went by and they were in the bar again, talking. "Did you try my headache cure," asked Trev. "Yeah said Phil, worked great! Your house is nice, too!"
Parrot With No Legs
This guy is setting at a bar, and he's had a lot to drink that night; he asks the bartender for another drink, but the bartender says no. The guy is pretty upset by this and persists, but the bartender keeps saying no. Finally the guy asks, "Well isn't there anything that you can give me?" The bartender says, "I've got this parrot over there in the corner, sitting on a perch, with no legs. The guy interested by this asks how the parrot stays on the perch with no legs. The bartender tells the guy that the parrot just raps his dick around the perch. The guy is amazed by this and agrees to take the bird home. On the trip home he asks the parrot if he can talk. The parrot says, "Sure I can talk!" The guy thinks for a second and then says, "I've got a job for you. I have to go to work tomorrow and my wife will be home alone all day long. I want you to watch her and tell me everything that happens while I'm gone. The only person other than my wife scheduled to be there is the milk man." The parrot agrees to watch the man's wife. The next morning the guy leaves for work, leaving only his wife and the parrot at home. Later that evening the man returns home and asks the parrot what his wife did all day.
Parrot: "Within an hour after you left the milk man appeared. Your wife walked to the door, dressed in her bathrobe and let him in. Right away they started kissing!"
Man: "Then what happened after that?"
Parrot: "They started taking each other's clothes off."
Man: "And then what?"-getting more angry
Parrot: "Your wife started jacking him off!"
Man: "What next?"-really steamed by this time
Parrot: "She started giving him a blow job!"
Man: "And what then, did they do anything else?"
Parrot: "I don't know by that time I got a hard on, and fell off my perch!"