What Was It's Name

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

Steven Wright 09

• What's another word for Thesaurus?
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.
• My grandfather invented Cliff's Notes. It all started back in 1912. Well, to make a long story short...
• I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.
• I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
• I owed my friend George $25. For about three weeks I owed it to him. The whole time I had the money on me -- he didn't know it. Walking through New York City, 2:30 in the morning and got held up. He said, "Gimme all your money." I said, "Wait a minute." I said, "George, here's the 25 dollars I owe you." The the thief took a thousand dollars out of his own money and he gave it to George. At gunpoint made me borrow a thousand dollars from George.
• I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called, "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."
• My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said, "the whole time."
• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

By My Side

Harry is on his death bed, his wife Zelda is by his side: "Zelda, you've always been by my side" "When I broke my leg at 25; you were by my side. When I had my first heart attack at 45; you were by my side. When I had my second heart attack at 65; you were by my side. When I broke my hip at 75; you were by my side. Now, when I'm dying; you are at my side. Zelda, you're a fucking jinx!!"