Meet the Family

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight.
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.
This should be an interesting night.

Panties

President Clinton was seen walking around the White House one day. Laying across one shoulder was a pair of ladies' nylon panties. Nervously one White House Aide approach the President and asked about the panties. "Oh those, "replied the President, "I'm trying to quit. That's the patch."

Marital Bliss

I married a beautiful woman - a smart one too.
Hopefully they’ll never meet.