President Sucks Sign

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks." Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news. "The bad news is that the urine is from the Vice President." "Al? How could you do this to me? What could be worse than this?" "The handwriting''s the first lady''s."

The Anninversary

My father and mother were recently celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. While cutting the cake, my mother was moved after seeing my father’s eyes fill with tears. Mother took his arm, and looked at him affectionately. "I never knew you were so sentimental," she whispered.
"No, no," he said, choking back his tears, "That’s not it at all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?"
"Yes," my mother replied. "I remember it like yesterday."
"Well," said my father, "today I would have be a free man!"

Anything You Need?

Trying to contact her dead husband, Edna goes to a psychic who tells her that her husband is fine and looking forward to their reunion. “Is there anything he needs?” asks Edna. The psychic replies, “He says he’d love a pack of cigarettes.” “Oh,” says Edna. “And did he say where I should try to send them?” “No,” replies the psychic. “But then again, he didn’t ask for any matches.”